But now I’m found. Honest. Well at least partially.
It has been awhile I know but with 2 jobs + Darling Dilemma & being a mom, & a trip back home to Ontario, well… December was a write off.
But let’s not dwell. Let’s catch up!
When we last parted I was in full Darling Dilemma Christmas mode. Sales & products galore! Mid December I slowed down, closed the shop for a bit & made time for my family & to recoup from a very hectic fall.
One of the greatest goings-on was our family trip back to Ontario to spend Christmas, together, with our families. Everyone says their Christmas was great, but this one was heart-warming for my little family.
Since moving to New Brunswick 2 years ago, my husband & I haven’t had much opportunity to vacation together. Our schedules are different, flying isn’t an option (flying 3 people even to Ontario can be a huge financial strain!) and driving quickly eats up your days. Last Christmas this meant we spent the holidays apart. My son & I drove to Ontario to spend Christmas with my parents, while my poor husband was stuck in Fredericton working. It was sad, even depressing & frankly it broke my heart. I knew I couldn’t do it again.
2010 brought us new opportunities though, & a because of a new understanding employer my husband was able to get the time off to come home with us for Christmas. Our respective parents treated us all into flying instead of driving & suddenly the whole holiday was a go!
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Son's first plane flight
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Spending Christmas with everyone, husband included was the only gift I wanted. It was a gift that fit perfectly.
I'm tired. I mean really, really tired.
Is it because, after a lovely summer of frolicking, beading, family & sunshine I have gone back to work? Maybe.
Or maybe it is because work consists of two jobs, plus mothering, wifeing & still trying to build my shop's stock for Christmas?
Possibly.
Or could it be because one job has me running the roads all over New Brunswick, while the other requires me to be back in town for after school?
It might be.
But I know myself well enough to know, that the maybes, possibilities and mights of all those things, will fade as I adjust to the new schedules and routines. I know myself well enough to know that the greater reality is the season...
Strangely enough, although fall is my most favorite season, it is also the beginning of something difficult for me. Fall is filled with some of my favorite things; pumpkin spice lattes, fall wardrobes, the best colours in nature, crisp air and Halloween! But fall is also the gateway to winter, shorter days & longer nights. This seasonal change effects a lot of us similarly. A sense of sadness, depression & just pure exhaustion fights its way into an otherwise normal demeanor. My active summer self seems to have quickly left me. I find my errands harder to do & naps suddenly feel mandatory (although hardly ever possible). I can switch from enjoying a moment, to longing, sadness or even tears. I admit, sometimes I watch 'Brothers & Sisters' just so I can cry and get it over with... lol
But fall does something else to me too.
Fall fills me with love. I sometimes think I can feel, like the Grinch, my heart grow two sizes in the fall. Like my chest expands to compensate for my growing capacity to love.
I want to squeeze my son more, snuggle under a blanket. I tell him I love him so much he laughs.
I want to hold my husband's hand more while we walk and stay in our warm bed longer and longer.
The sight of fallen leaves makes me feel the need to tell someone 'I love you so much'.
So tell me, how does that make sense?
